Negative emotions such as jealousy and insecurity, the commonality of skepticism/doubts on whether true love exists, the divorce rate in America, are all reasons that cause and will continue to cause people to immediately assume the worst from the person that they are seeing. These negative assumptions cause fear and distrust in relationships and are a common reason why relationships don’t work out. Depending on personality type, you could be one of the two: someone who isn’t shy about their assumptions and ultimatley let these assumptions turn into false accusations, resentment, arguments. OR someone who quietly takes note of the situation, assumes the worst & let it build inside until they are filled with- guess what- resentment, distrust, and fear. DON’T LET NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS CONSUME YOU.
some things that may help with your fears/worry
1st- Train yourself to assume the best. Although you may intensely care about someone, no-one needs to know what their partner is doing at all times of the day. To be honest, it’s just completely unrealistic, unsustainable, and unhealthy. If you are consistently worried about what someone else is doing, this is a great sign that you need to refocus your goals and what you want. He’s not worth the stress wrinkles or distracting you from where you are going. Focus on yourself, assume he’s playing chess or reading the dictionary not at the club taking body shots, and get some work done.
(At the same time, don’t let yourself become blind to OBVIOUS red flags and signs that this person doesn’t have the same intentions as you. I have come to terms with the fact if you have a strong gut feeling that something isn’t right or something appears to be off- it probably is.)
2nd- Learn to communicate how you are feeling without coming off as accusatory or aggressive. Start out conversations with phrases like “I feel…” and go from there. The great thing about “I feel” conversations- no one can tell you what you are feeling is wrong, it’s just how you are feeling. If you find yourself having these conversations too often, it may be a good sign that the relationship might be more stress than it’s worth or you need to address your trust issues in private & try to retrain your brain.
3rd- Have a conversation about the intentions of this person and see if they are align with yours. Recognize the difference between someone is using you to fill a void vs. genuinely caring about you.
“If someone cares about you/ loves you their actions will be consistent with caring about you/loving you” @brittanyrennerr on twitter.
Don’t overcomplicate things, focus on you. ❤